Frightened
by Whilom
Summary: Achilles never knew how Patroclus' words would haunt him until after it was too late.


**Disclaimer: **Troy is not mine.

**A/N:** In the movie, Achilles does shout Hector's name 9 times. However, I wasn't sure about the dialogue between Achilles and Patroclus when they we first see them sparring so I went with what I thought they were saying. Then I figured it out but it didn't fit with what I wrote, so anways, setting is when they're first sparring but the dialogue is my own.

* * *

He knew that though he went to confront Hector, he went for Patroclus—he went for himself.

"Hector!"

_Patroclus!_

"Hector!"

_Patroclus!_

Every shout echoed his mental plea for his cousin to rise up, to speak with him, challenge him as no one else would, live for him. He had lived for Patroclus, teaching his cousin everything he knew, bringing him to Troy so that, in his final moments, it would be Patroclus who heard his last words and saw him in battle. Patroclus would bear his body, cover his eyes with coins, burn him on a pyre. Patroclus would receive all his share. Patroclus would receive the only gift that Achilles had to give: the gods had given him a life with glory and he would die knowing that Patroclus would receive both from his hands. He had no son, no heir, no wife. His mother would mourn him but none held his heart so tightly as Patroclus. And that might be the one thing Achilles hadn't taught him, how to grasp a god's son's heart.

Hector had torn it from him, had tried to kill Achilles' heart by ripping Patroclus from it, and his victory was complete. A life with glory still awaited golden Achilles but without his heart what man could live? Patroclus was gone and so was life. Death was all that Achilles could see, death in the form of Patroclus' pale body across the Styx, gesturing to him as he had always done when inviting him to spar with wooden swords.

"Frightened?" Patroclus had asked him the last time they had sparred, a white grin flashing across his young face. Oh, so young.

And he had replied in a teasing voice, "Terrified."

But wasn't that how it was now, with the hot wind carrying away Patroclus' ashes along with his voice that probed softly, _Frightened?_

Achilles, great Achilles, had to whisper his answer so the wind could take it back to Hades, "Terrified."

If only Patroclus knew. The thought had not left him since Patroclus' death and he hardly knew how to answer it. What was it that he wanted Patroclus to know? What was so important that it haunted him after Patroclus' death, but had not been thought of when he was alive? Perhaps it wasn't a message for Patroclus but for the Fates or the gods who had taken him away, a message for Hector, for himself.

Or all at once.

That was why he was here, before Troy's gates, screaming Hector's name aloud while his heart screamed for Patroclus and his soul screamed at the gods.

"Hector!"

_Patroclus, what was I to you?_

"Hector!"

_Patroclus, did you love me? Did I love you enough?_

"Hector!"

_Patroclus, can you hear me across Death's border? Can you feel, as you always used, my pain and grief? Is the world empty for you as it is for me? Am I right to kill your killer, a man with a wife and a son?_

"Hector!"

_Patroclus, do you even hear me? Will I cry the rest of my life for you while I wait to be struck down in the sand? Will I continue waiting for your counsel and only hear a memory?_

"Hector!"

_Patroclus!_

"Hector!"

_Patroclus, answer me!_

"Hector!"

The gates swung inward and the prince of Troy stepped before the golden lion Achilles who groaned for the questions Patroclus could have answered if he would only have listened.

Hector, fearless Hector, trembled at the sight of the god-man waiting for him. Achilles, merciless Achilles, knew the moment he pierced Hector's heart that he had not done as Patroclus would have wished and he hated himself for Hector's death.

If only Patroclus knew…

If only Patroclus knew how great Achilles' suffering would be because the god-man could not listen to a younger man wiser than he.

Patroclus dead, Hector dead, Achilles dead as he tied a rope around Hector's ankles and paraded the body in the dust. Loud weeping was heard behind Troy's walls but Achilles' own cries were greater when Troy's king came for his son and Achilles remembered his cousin and listened, tremblingly removing the mental armor that had protected him from the world's blows as surely as any shield.

And he heard Patroclus' voice asking, whispering clearer than ever, _Frightened?_

Achilles, god's son Achilles, wept over Hector's body and whispered back, "Terrified."


End file.
